Poor Sweet Innocent Thing
by BLUEanimeGIRL025
Summary: Naruto is desperate for a girlfriend so who will volunteer? Full of randomness! A SaSuNaRu story! Find out who Neji is sleeping with, why TenTen is getting drunk at the ramen shop, who Ino is reading fanfiction about, and why Temari likes a certain someon


_**Disclaimer: **Many SasuNaru stories later & I still do not own Naruto._

_**SUMMARY:** Naruto is desperate for a girlfriend so…who will volunteer? Full of randomness! A SaSuNaRu story! Find out who Neji is sleeping with, why TenTen is getting drunk at the ramen shop, who Ino is reading fanfiction about, and why Temari seems to like a certain someone so much…

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"Saaakuuuraaaa…." Naruto whined. "Why do you always turn me down?" 

Sakura sighed. "Because _Naruto…_" She whispered in his ear, "you know I love Sasuke."

The reason why she had whispered was apparent; Sasuke was standing across the bridge from them, watching their little spat from the corner of his eyes. Naruto frowned, looking at Sasuke, and crossed his arms. Sasuke looked him directly in the eye and smirked. Naruto stuck his tongue out.

"I have an idea," Sakura said brightly, a little light bulb popping up over her head as she snapped her fingers with a wink. "Why don't you ask around the single girls and see if any of _them_ want to go out with you?"

Naruto and Sasuke both stared at her blankly for a moment. "But…" Naruto whined, "What if I don't want to go out with any of those girls?"

"Oh come on Naruto, you don't want to be alone all your life do you?" Naruto's heart dropped into his stomach. It was like she was flat out saying that she would never love him. Sakura patted him on the arm with a bright smile. "Go for it Naruto! Kakashi-sensei will probably take forever getting here anyway, and if he ever shows up I'll cover for you."

Naruto sighed. "Oookkayy," he said sadly. He walked away, dragging his feet.

Sasuke smirked again. "That was cruel," he told Sakura.

"What do you mean by that?" she snapped.

"Do you really think that someone's actually going to go out with that dobe?"

"Well…. Hinata's always had a big crush on him."

Sasuke actually laughed at that. "My God…" he said quietly, looking away. "And I thought women gossiped."

"What are you talking about?" the pink haired girl asked suspiciously.

"Hinata and_ Neji _are together now."

Sakura's bottom jaw hit the ground. "WHAT?!?!?!" she demanded loudly. In nearby trees, all the birds flew away, startled. "B-but they're… THEY'RE **_RELATED!!!!!!!!_**"

"It's to keep the clan together," he said as if that explained everything.

"B-but…"

"They were forced into it."

Sakura gasped dramatically. "That's horrible…"

"And Hinata's pregnant already."

"WHAT?!?!"

"Neji's practically pulling his hair out he's so anxious, and that's driving Hinata up the wall. I hear they're already planning the wedding."

"**_OH…..MY…..GOD!!!!"

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_**

(A/N: hahahaha I couldn't resist!)

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_I'll ask the first girl I see that I know… as long as she's single, _Naruto thought. The first girl he happened to see that he knew was single was TenTen. She was sitting at the ramen shop drinking sake, her head on the counter as if she just wanted to die. "TenTen…" Naruto started, sitting on one of the stools next to her. "Hey wait! You're not the drinking age!" he exclaimed. 

"Fuck off," she said.

"Whoa, easy…" Naruto looked up at the bartender for an explanation.

The man shrugged. "I wasn't going to let her drink, but she threatened to…" he coughed uneasily, shifting his legs. Naruto's eyes widened.

"Damn TenTen, did you threaten to cut off that guy's balls?"

"Fuck OFF!" she said again.

"Geez, who stuck a kunai up your ass this morning?" he asked with a frown. _Yeah, this is a good way to get with the ladies, _he thought.

"Neji did… when he knocked up his cousin."

"NEJI DID **_WHAT _**WITH **_WHO?!?!_**"

She sighed and lifted her head to glare at him. "Neji and Hinata were forced to hook up for the sake of their clan… now Hinata's pregnant and they're getting married next week." Naruto stared at her with very wide eyes for a long time, his mouth hanging wide open. "…Yeah that was my initial reaction too. Sake?" She handed him the bottle.

"Uh… no… that's all right. I think I need to puke, excuse me."

TenTen resumed her drinking while Naruto exited the ramen shop and threw up on the side of the building. Then he wiped his mouth, popped a breath mint into his mouth (the mint had mysteriously appeared out of nowhere), and walked down the street, looking for another single girl he knew. When he spotted Hinata, who was smiling happily, walking arm-in-arm with Neji down the street, he wanted to puke again.

Unfortunately, she spotted him. "Hey Naruto!" she said happily, all signs of her previous shyness now gone. "Did you hear the news?" Neji looked annoyed.

"Uh…. Y-yeah…" he replied.

She laughed at him. "I know it's a little unusual but…" she shrugged. "…Here we are." She rubbed her stomach, which wasn't yet showing at all. "So what are you doing today Naruto?" He noticed that she also no longer added "-_kun_" at the end of his name now.

He shrugged. "Looking for a girlfriend," he replied.

"Oh I see… well, good luck with that! See you Naruto!"

"You too Hinata."

"At the wedding, yeah. You have to come. It's next Thursday, invite Sakura and Sasuke… and Kakashi and Iruka too if you want."

He laughed nervously. "Yeah yeah, sure thing Hinata." Once they were out of the hearing range, Naruto sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair. "Inbreeding freaks," he said beneath his breath. Then he continued his search.

The next girl Naruto stumbled upon – literally – was Ino. She was walking down the street with a cup of coffee in one hand and a stack of printed papers in the other, reading intently. Naruto was staring at the ground, thinking. It was inevitable that they ran smack into each other. Ino's coffee spilled all over the ground. "Hey Naruto," she said with a little giggle, not caring that her drink was now in the dirt. "Have you seen Sasuke?"

"Uh… he's at the bridge waiting for Kakashi. You're in a good mood this morning Ino…. What cha reading?"

Ino giggled again. It was a long, maniacal giggle. _Oh god, _Naruto thought, _this has "naughty" written all over it. _"Oh nothing," she said waving her hand. Naruto snatched the paper out of her hand and read the title.

_What the hell is "SasuNaru?" Sounds familiar. _He read the summary beneath the title and his mouth dropped open. Ino giggled again and snatched the papers back from him. "What… the…. **_FUCK_**?" Naruto demanded.

"It's just a fanfic Naruto. Don't worry about it."

"You IMAGINE me and SASUKE being GAY together?!?!?! You think we're FAGS?!?! Well Sasuke might be but I AM **_NOT_**!! YOU'RE **_SICK_**!!!!!"

She giggled again, then, suddenly going all creepy and serious, she stared him right in the eyes and said dangerously, "You'll see it my way one of these days Naruto… oh yes you will."

Naruto backed away a couple short steps. "You're…. kinda… scary, Ino."

She laughed. "Oh hush. See you later Naruto!" Naruto let her walk away without comment. He was **NOT** going to ask out some weird chick who was obsessed with gay dudes. She would probably try to get him to make out with Shikimaru or something.

Naruto sighed. _And the search continues once again…_

The next girl was that creepy sand chick, who he decided not to talk to for certain obvious reasons, but she suddenly grinned and said, "Hey baby."

Naruto looked over his shoulder to see her grinning at him. She was leaning against a building wall with her arms crossed, and there was a suggestive sparkle in her eyes. "Wanna come over to my place tonight?"

"Uh…" Naruto winced at the thought. "…no."

"I have raaammeenn"

"Well…" Naruto considered it for a moment, then remembered exactly who he was taking to. He shivered. Gaara's sister. Ew. "No, no. I'm fine."

She laughed. "You _will_ see it my way one of these days, Naruto. Oh yes you will." She walked away with a little shake in her step. Naruto shivered and wince a couple more times. He would _never _be able to get that vision out of his brain now. Naruto felt that this day was going to give him nightmares for the rest of his life.

_Hey,_ he suddenly thought, _Ino said the same thing earlier. _He remembered the two blond girls both saying "you will see it my way one of these days, Naruto, oh yes you will…"

He wondered, then, why the sand girl liked him at all. He shivered. She probably got it from the super-gay Gaara who had a HUGE crush on him. Naruto felt that he would never stop wincing. Why was this day going so horribly wrong?

* * *

Naruto walked back to the bridge in defeat at sunset. He had not been able to find a single girl to ask out. Why was he so pathetic? Surprisingly, Sasuke was standing there waiting for him. "Hey dobe," Sasuke said with a smirk. "No luck?" 

"Nope…" Sasuke's grin was evil. Naruto's eyes widened when he remembered his little chat with Ino this morning. "Do you _know _what Ino thinks about us?" Naruto demanded.

"What… did you finally see the fanfiction she's reading?" Sasuke asked.

"Uh…. Yeah. You mean you already knew?"

Sasuke shrugged. "_I've_ read a few of them myself."

Naruto's jaw dropped. "Oh… my… god…. Everybody's gay!"

"Not everybody…. Not yet…"

"What?"

Sasuke giggled – actually _giggled _– all evil-ish as he cornered Naruto. Naruto didn't see a way out of this…

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Ino and Temari gave each other a high-five as Sasuke and Naruto began making out. Then they gave another high-five when Naruto realized that he liked it and began really getting into it. The girls sat back in lawn chairs drinking lemonade, wearing sunglasses even though the sun was going down, and they filmed the whole thing. "You were right Ino," Temari said. "This _is _better than making Naruto think I was interested, then getting him drunk and making him sleep with Gaara." 

Ino nodded with approval, grinning. "I thought you might say that."

Later that night, as Naruto and Sasuke slept in each other's arms in Naruto's apartment… Ino, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, and TenTen were having a little get together a few blocks away, uploading the video of Sasuke & Naruto making out on YouTube.

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_A/N: omg haha, I laughed at myself for writing this story. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. But if you look on YouTube, you won't find that video they put on there... because it was too innapropriate and their account was deleted. _

_lol please review peeps. Thanx. _

_l8ter ;)_


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